It’s been playing on my mind a lot recently that so many young people within our society whether involved in the church or not are faced with this idea that singleness means having less worth, as if the two were correlated in some way. Somehow within our media and day to day lives we have created this romance ideology in which anyone without a love interest is deemed of less value. This needs to stop. I realise more and more as I scroll through social media how dangerous and damaging this view is, we see young girls hate themselves because they don’t have the gorgeous film-star-looking boyfriend who sends flowers to their door every Friday night. How heart breaking it is to see girls and guys who somehow feel that they have less to offer to the world because of who they are or aren’t dating.
I’ve reached the age where it’s almost unheard of to scroll through my facebook feed without seeing someone in a new relationship, and in and of itself this isn’t a bad thing. I love seeing my friends meet people and fall in love and I love seeing my friends go from season to season in their lives. Recently I’ve seen many of my friends get together with new people and it’s beautiful as you see Gods hands weaving two lives into one. However, seeing this happen, you can’t help but wonder “what about me?” Why is it that we believe that being single means being unlovable?
Growing up in the church people meet and fall in love and get married far quicker than they do in most other social contexts. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing though it can leave us singletons (oh gosh that word is so icky) feeling as if there’s something wrong if it’s not happening to us. WHY AM I THE ONLY PERSON NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP? WHAT ABOUT ME GOD? I have said these two statements soooooo many times it’s actually started to become nauseating. Why do we grow up in the church feeling as if our prince is coming only to realise there isn’t always a guy. Not once growing up was I taught that there may be no guy coming. And that’s an awful shame. We’ve come to expect that if it’s our ‘heart’s desire’ to be married then married we will be. But that isn’t always the case. I’m not saying this to dishearten you, honestly, I’m saying this to encourage you. GOD HAS THE BEST FOR YOU, AND IF MARRIAGE IS THE BEST FOR YOU THEN YOU WILL GET MARRIED.
Bible fun! – Paul states that if you aren’t already married it is good for you to remain single[i] and the reason as to why that’s the case should excite you if nothing else does! Being single means rather than having to give part of yourself to your husband/wife and part of yourself to God you can fully commit to the work of God[ii]. Isn’t it beautiful to know that the Lord of all the universe seeks you out and wants your whole heart? It’s not because he’s controlling and angry, but because he is full of love and adoration. God wants you first, he wants your devotion because he is jealous for you and loves you beyond your wildest dreams.
This singleness may only be for a season or it may be for your life time, either way, we need to learn what it is to be thankful for where we are. Psalm 34:10 promises that we who live in the Lord will lack no good thing. God doesn’t want you to be unhappy and lonely, he wants you to know a love that passionately seeks you out where you are and comforts you beyond all else in this broken and hurting world crying out for love. Be thankful that God looks on at you in this way. Right now focus on your relationship with him and who he is calling you to be. You are so treasured. No boy or girl, man or woman, could love you the way your creator does. “For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy one of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called”
[i] 1 Cor 7:8
[ii] 1 Cor 7:32-35