Have you ever wanted to run away? I suppose I want to run away a lot. Like, every fibre of my being will whisper every once in a while “we’ve got to get out of here” but I guess this year I’ve wanted to run away more than I used to. It’s been a season of tears. I haven’t been able to stop crying; a sad movie, a conversation (or lack of), a beautiful song. Just about anything has been enough to get me going. Maybe life just gives us doses of heartache and we just receive them without question.
The Psalms say that “those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy” and let’s just say I cannot wait to reap at the end of this season. I think I’m due many shouts of joy.
My heart has been broken in many ways over the last year and although I’m sure it’s strengthening it’s also very tiring. Sometimes I wish I could run away from everything and everyone, including myself. The pain. The memories. The burdens that are too heavy to hold. God promises to carry our burdens yet sometimes we hold tight to them, and despite knowing that, we let them define us. Because being weak had always been easier than being brave. But maybe it’s time to be brave.
I think you reach bravery the day you can say to God “I’ve tried to be ok all this time. But it’s never worked. I’m broken. I’m so broken. And I need you Jesus” but then you must cling to him. Give him all the rubbish and pain and hurt that you’ve been holding in your arms and aching over and then he’ll give you back little treasures, beautifully light and also freeing. God gives us a free gift, but it is not a cheap one. It costs everything- even the heartache. Give him all of who you are and he will give you himself. Let’s go on this journey together.
Being brave never really meant facing the battle alone. Being brave is trusting that the battle will never have to be faced alone.