Yesterday, I finished reading Redeeming love by Francine Rivers, through reading this book I realised that I had been settling for a distorted kind a love, a kind of love the world told me was good. It made me understand the kind of love I actually need. I don’t want someone to settle for me, I don’t want someone to be adequately happy with me and vice versa. No. I want someone who sees me as God sees me. Who loves me as God loves me. But first and foremost, I know that I want a guy who has a relationship with God, who speaks to Him, just as Michael Hosea did. Just as Jesus did. Too long have I pined over guys who were nothing like this. Who didn’t see me and treat me as the beautiful creation I am, they made me feel like I was insignificant, that I was never good enough. Why do we settle for people like that? Why do we settle for people who don’t treat us how God intended? There is a quote I love from the film ‘The Holiday’ that explains this, it says, “Because you’re hoping you’re wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she’s no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she’s not for you.” We can get into this mentality so easily, as humans we can so quickly ignore the signs that go against what we want, and even if it’s a thousand to one we can focus on the one good thing and ignore the other reasons why it’s not such a good idea. I know I do that. I know that I can ask God to give me a sign as to what to do, and He could give me a thousand signs, and if they aren’t signs for what I want then I ignore them. I look for signs in what I want, not in what God wants.
I used to have the mentality that my life would start when I got married. I honestly used to believe that my life was focused on marriage and when I married I could finally start living. How stupid, marriage isn’t the pinnacle of my life or anyone else’s. I already have the only love I need. I have a perfect love, one in which I won’t ever be hurt or abandoned. One where He loves me so much He would die for me. As much as the world says it, I don’t need anything else. I am living now, I don’t need to wait for the perfect guy or the perfect marriage. Marriage isn’t the answer, that guy isn’t the answer, your relationship with each other isn’t the answer. Stop looking for different things to fill that hole and just let God fill it. Sometimes it takes a while, but we need to remember that it’s not a step, it’s a journey.
How many of you have turned to the attention of a guy when you were feeling a bit low? At first it seems like it does the job but after a while, for whatever reason, you feel even more worthless, and that hole feels bigger than it did before. I have. It may seem corny, and you’ve probably heard it all before, but really only God can fill it. We need to be fully dependent on Him and know we can’t do this by ourselves. Too often I see relationships that don’t have God as the centre, they can say that He is their focus, but it is easy to see that their relationship with one another is way more important. In Redeeming love, (spoiler alert) Michael has to let Sarah run away. Not because he’s sick of her, but because God told him that he (Michael) became Sarah’s God. Sarah, instead of looking to God as her rescuer, believed it was all Michael and worshipped him. We can all be like that, but God wants us all to himself. He is jealous for us. Before we turn to that guy, lets turn to God, no matter what our relationship status is, let’s focus on our relationship with our Father first, working to develop a deeper union with Him. Remember, His love is a love that will never run dry, He won’t ever reject us or hurt us, so can we please stop pursuing the love that does exactly that and welcome the love that we can freely have? Let’s be a generation that doesn’t follow love blindly, or one that waits for love to happen. We need to embrace whatever situation we are in and use it to honour God in every possible way. Will you join me on this journey?