The Heart Trial

“You are exactly the way God wants you. And he doesn’t make mistakes” she said. And it’s not as if I haven’t heard the same thing a million times, but this time, I really heard it. Comparison is a deep heart trial, but its time to take ourselves out of the dock. Let me say this, if you don’t have the kind of friend who will be real enough to tell you when you’re wrong about yourself and that you’re exactly the way you’re supposed to be, even when you want them to join your pity party, find them. There’s someone out there waiting to tell you that your constant self-criticism has to stop. I’m sure of it. Someone waiting to be honest enough to tell you that you’ve always believed the lies and it’s time to refuse them. Because honey, you’ve always believed the lies. And it really needs to end.

I speak to myself about this every day. And I can’t pretend my mind and heart don’t war regularly. My heart whispers “if God says you’re worthy and loved and wonderfully made then you best believe it” whilst my mind is busy shouting “why don’t you look like the other girls?” but do you know what? I was made to be me. Just as I am. And you were made to be you. Just as you are. And man oh man do I wish that comparison and self could stop being the theme of life. Because there is so much more in this big wide world.

When comparison and self are on the thrones of our lives we will always find ourselves drained and flawed. How much longer will we allow the devil a field day as we scroll through pictures of beautiful girls on Instagram wishing we could look just like that? How much longer will we waste our time in want and dissatisfaction? We are exactly the way God has made us to be and God does not make mistakes. In the world we live it is so easy to get caught up in beauty and jealousy and shallowness. Only by stepping out of this world will we ever be truly satisfied.

God tells us we are enough and that’s the foundation we should stand on. I believe as a generation we need to surrender our lack to our Lord. And let it go. “Only when self moves out of the way can His spectacular glory come cascading through your life. When Jesus is in His rightful place, all insecurity will fade away and His lasting loveliness will become the mark of your life.” We judge ourselves because really we are on the throne of our own lives most of the time if not all of it. When our eyes are on Jesus we no longer feel the need to look at us, or at others. Because he matters and our opinions of ourselves and others really just don’t matter that much. It is a daily, moment by moment re-evaluation. Every moment we must ask ourselves who’s on the throne. And when it isn’t Jesus, we can put him again in his rightful place. So let me ask you – who is on the throne of your life right now? If it isn’t Jesus, the beautiful truth is this: His grace is sufficient and he wants nothing more than your adoration. He does not hold your lack against you. He does not hold your idolisation or sin against you. For while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). What profound and precious love is that.

Shan xxx

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