Determining The Call

And I guess sometimes it’s a matter of weighing the costs. You’ll wonder and wonder again: Is it time to leave my home here? Sometimes moving on is a necessity, even when it hurts like hell. Even though it’s sort of the opposite of what you want. Recently I was offered an amazing job at a church which requires that I move from the one I’ve grown up in. I suppose that’s where the story begins. Although it isn’t. The story begins with a girl, me, having been fearfully and wonderfully made – even though she has to fight hard and regularly to believe it – by her Father in heaven. The one who has never given up on her, and has always called her name. And it starts in the place God wanted her, this funny little town called Penge, with nothing seemingly exceptional going for it. But that little town was exceptional, it is exceptional. Oh, what big old God was going to do with that place blew her mind and filled her heart. If you could go into a place and feel both undone and whole at the same time, then it would happen in Christ Central Penge. It was home. It had moulded her and grown her more than she could ever put into words, if she tried to tell anyone out loud how important, how genuinely and deeply important that place was to her no way would she be able to hold back the tears. The idea of letting go broke her heart. But what do you do when God places the perfect opportunity in your hands? The one you’ve been waiting for, the one that would stretch you and grow you and make you the good kind of uncomfortable. Her fists were tightly shut as if this place could fit in her hands, but slowly, and gently, she felt God open her fingers.

There’s much to be said about letting go of the things you love. It requires courage, it requires certainty. It requires pain. Sometimes God asks us to let go of good things. Things we never thought we held too tightly. And I’m at this point where I have two choices: I can follow God into this new thing, or I can dig my feet into the mud and stay here. But really I know I don’t have a choice, not if I’m to be obedient. I know that God wants me to break out of my comfortable shell, it’s time to step out. Honestly, I can’t really give you a lesson on letting go because I don’t even know what it looks like yet. I could probably string a bunch of big, fancy words together if you asked me to but words aren’t always enough. Sometimes you can hear the most eloquent sentences in the whole world and they still don’t change a thing.

So I think the only advice I can give is simple… dive in. Even when it’s scary. And even when it hurts. Trust Jesus. I can’t go on saying that Jesus is my everything if I’m not willing to die to my comforts and wants. I do want this. I do want this. Just some part of me doesn’t believe that yet. But when something is for you, dive in. This is going to be good. For God makes all things work together for the good of those who love him, those who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28)

Shan xxx


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